After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i think i just lost a toe
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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