I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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