I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
