I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Your penis caused this!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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