Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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