just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
