Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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