He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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