I think i sorta joined a cult last night
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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