I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
