I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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