I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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