his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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