i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
