Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
