I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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