And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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