I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
