She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
