Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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