dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
