if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
