I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
