just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
