Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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