Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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