u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
smell my finger.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
