Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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