so explain again why im purple
no
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
