I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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