Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just had sex bonerless
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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