Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
