dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
