I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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