Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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