I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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