i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I met the friendliest cop last night
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
