As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
