i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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