This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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