Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
