the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
