My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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