i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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