She said her name was "party"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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