Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
