It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
