It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
