i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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