I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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