So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
