we have pet lesbian snakes
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.