I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need to calm my uterus...