Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she pinky promised me she was 18
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already