I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.