Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
