i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
