remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
