I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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