Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
