Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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