apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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