the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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