Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize