you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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