there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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