Someone shit on the floor
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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